when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
