is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
