Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
