PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
