it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
