we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
