I could have mohawked her pubes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
