She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
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Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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