I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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