Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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