i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I forget how to act sober
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
