wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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