who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
