haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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