he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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