My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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