omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
