Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
