her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
