If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
