moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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