alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
