I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
