I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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