How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
