Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
