I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
