I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
