I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
