I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
