My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
