Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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