I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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