life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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