69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
