just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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