when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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