Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize