Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
