I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
