I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
