Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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