I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize