dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
