right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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