I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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