Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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