I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her