OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long