I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.