I have demons in me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
