Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀