Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.

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  (207): There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever. http://tfl.nu/jepg
  Replies (8) Good night (3224) Bad night (581)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that

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  (413): his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that http://tfl.nu/fcpw
  Replies (6) Good night (780) Bad night (2301)
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  (805): View more from California

  we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend

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  (805): we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend http://tfl.nu/2gsx
  Replies (75) Good night (3416) Bad night (10240)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.

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  (513): How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region? (1-513): The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well. http://tfl.nu/bwog
  Replies (28) Good night (1825) Bad night (5708)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys

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  (860): We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys http://tfl.nu/i7wv
  Replies (2) Good night (2458) Bad night (1425)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.

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  (903): He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan. http://tfl.nu/b8b3
  Replies (3) Good night (2176) Bad night (801)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"

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  (617): hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?" http://tfl.nu/pq50
  Replies (14) Good night (3776) Bad night (956)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.

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  (978): Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me. (978): Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex. http://tfl.nu/urbj
  Replies (2) Good night (1968) Bad night (706)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.

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  (630): I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time. http://tfl.nu/846n
  Replies (7) Good night (625) Bad night (1470)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?

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  (219): I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM? http://tfl.nu/704g
  Replies (4) Good night (560) Bad night (907)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.

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  (954): Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat. http://tfl.nu/msv0
  Replies (10) Good night (1336) Bad night (411)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone

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  (281): I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone http://tfl.nu/gqya
  Replies (2) Good night (471) Bad night (341)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.

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  (773): Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no. http://tfl.nu/59ld
  Replies (1) Good night (689) Bad night (338)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways

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  (717): Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways http://tfl.nu/1sez
  Replies (1) Good night (685) Bad night (344)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night

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  (618): I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night http://tfl.nu/cx13
  Replies (2) Good night (554) Bad night (216)

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