You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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