Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
