went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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