tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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