Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
