It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
