I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
