Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
