why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
