Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
