Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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