I wish my penis had an off switch
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
