Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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