Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
