I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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