just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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