please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You are the jesus of drinking
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